Birth the most mystical initiation

This is a conversation, between Co founder of Sowa Soma, Fiona Kirwan and podcast host Liane Grimshaw, of rare honesty about what it actually costs to walk away from an identity built over two decades - the grief of leaving people behind, the disorientation of no longer having a job title to stand behind, and the long, unglamorous year in Costa Rica of de-armouring and rediscovering who she was underneath all of it.

From a successful career in PR in the UK, to moving her whole family to the rainforests of Costa Rica, Fiona's mystical initiations kept unfolding. In this episode of Behind Our Eyes, host Liane Grimshaw sits down with an old friend - someone who knew her back in her party days in Manchester, and whose life has also taken one of the most extraordinary turns imaginable.

Fiona Kirwan is now a plant medicine facilitator living in the rainforest on the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica. She and her husband Neil co-founded Sowa Soma, a trauma-informed ayahuasca retreat centre, after Fiona walked away from the PR agency she'd spent years building.

What brought her here wasn't one moment — it was three initiations, each one more undeniable than the last. The first was ayahuasca, which found her on a year-long sabbatical fourteen years ago when she was finally honest enough to ask: is this it? The second was becoming a mother — an experience she describes as the most mystical portal of her entire life, more profound than any ceremony she has ever sat in. And the third was the pandemic, the moment the double life she'd been quietly maintaining for years became impossible to sustain any longer.

This is a conversation of rare honesty about what it actually costs to walk away from an identity built over two decades - the grief of leaving people behind, the disorientation of no longer having a job title to stand behind, and the long, unglamorous year in Costa Rica of de-armouring and rediscovering who she was underneath all of it. It's also a conversation about what it means to be a woman moving through the thresholds of her life: the biological, emotional, and spiritual passages that don't come with a manual.

🎯 CHAPTERS & KEY MOMENTS:

00:00:00 Opening clip & introductions 00:03:19 Opening the space 00:04:51 Who is Fiona and where is she now 00:06:26 The crisis: "Is this it?" 00:08:51 Finding ayahuasca - the first initiation 00:13:37 Ayahuasca as a 14 year relationship 00:20:53 Motherhood - the 2nd deepest initiation 00:23:04 The birth portal - a mystical experience 00:31:03 The pandemic - the 3rd initiation 00:35:31 Making a choice to stop killing your soul 00:37:13 The sweat lodge and the oak tree 00:39:43 Moving to Costa Rica: six weeks, seven suitcases 00:42:02 Year one in the jungle: landing, integrating, de-armouring 00:50:27 Birthing Sowa Soma 00:54:36 Plant dietas explained — cacao, white sage, dandelion 01:07:13 Advice for women feeling the pull toward something more 01:13:58 Where to find Fiona and Sowa Soma 01:16:10 Liane's closing reflections

🗣️ ABOUT FIONA Fiona is a plant medicine facilitator, working with Ayahuasca, Cacao and other non-psychedelic plant allies. Originally from the UK, she runs a trauma-informed plant medicine retreat centre in Costa Rica, alongside her husband Neil. She also continues to expand her work with women, helping to create more alignment with the feminine. She provides support with cycles, conscious conception and advocates birthing sovereignty.